Notes to a Lover: Beautiful

 December 5, 2011
Baby-

Thank you for another wonderful stay. I love the fact that I learn something new about you from conversation. It is great to know that you can trust me with your past; that you are comfortable enough to share your meaninginful moments and memories with me. I love hearing about your history as it helps show how you became the beautiful man that you are today.

And you are, you are so so so so beautiful, kind and considerate, generous, sweet, loving, strong and intellegent!


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Reading that made me so sad. I vividly recall writing it. God we were so in love. It was heavenly. I miss you so much, I am delerious with emptiness.

Notes to a Lover: Postive Thoughts

Novermber 20, 2011.  Motel

B,
I am extremely happy that we shared this truely stellar weekend together. It will undoubtedly be branded into my mind forever. I oh so appreciate your endless kind gestures and positive thoughts. Such wonderful tings will never go unnoticed. I constantly think of the countless hours in which we have gazed into each other's eyes with complete adoration and depth. Thought we stare in silence, our smiles speak volumes. These are the moments that I shall carry within me for many years to come. They will always succeed in reminding me that purity exists; that it's not too impossible to find someone who is capable of experiencing complete, unadulterated emotion and the strength to share it. Thank you for being so open minded, understanding, and accomodating. I really appreciate everything.

Notes to Lover: Desire

Notes to a Lover: Your Skin

Notes to a Lover: (Annonymous) I Used to Kow You So Well

Hyatt Hotel

B,
I am happy that we returned to the birthplace of stage two. I really needed it. It helped remind me of the reasons I fell in love with you. It is a bit sad knowing that such beautful things can be forgotten. What's important is the sincere effort in trying not to forget.
The second page is more difficult to decipher. I was able to make out..."passive aggresssive behavior..." as well as the last statement which was "...This conversation will not be forgotten..." Regardless. This not was clearly telling you that Despite the Rocky Road we've endured, It is not too difficult to remeber the amount of love between us.
Simple things can bring back such great memories but the question is.. "is it good enough?"

L

Notes to a Lover (annonymous)

Fall in love, stay in love. It’ll decide everything. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, it will affect everything. It’ll decide when you will get out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, what you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

L

Notes to a Lover. (Annonymous)

L,

I just woke up from a nightmare where I was just getting out but we were at my mom's house 'cuz there was some sort of party for the sister from Breaking Bad, but I couldn't find you anywhere. I saw a couple of your friends, then I started to panic. I found a note then I really went frantic just to come running out after you drove away.

I don't think you get how big of an impact you really have by not showing up when I think you're going to. And don't think you have to, just don't tell me you will unless you are actually going to.
I know I am not letting go of you at all, but please tell me if that's what you want and I'll do my best. It will be fucking hard as fuck (just like me every time I think of you). I don't sleep, I don't eat. I just don't do anything but think of you.
                                                   B.

Bittersweet love: Notes to a lover (Annonymous)

10/22/2012

My Only wish for tonight was to sleep. It seems like ages since my body was in a 180. A shower is what I dreampt of as soon as I thought "hotel." It's crazy that these two standard things are somewhat of a luxary now. My body aches from struggling with you. I knew you had my phone-especially since you shot for the door as soon I mentioned it. 

Was it worth it? It makes me sad that I think your answer is yes. Your seconds of cruelty were worth what was lost. I'm so tired. I could fall asleep now, but every headlight alerts me, and I duck in shame knowing that upon seeing me here, sleeping in such a someber, sad manner, you will somehow smirk...perhaps even smile knowing that yet another battle has turned in your favor. 

Tonights outcome, however sick and twisted, was what I was afraid of. How dare you take what little precisousness we had, and darken it with your barrage of insults; and onslaught of vulgarities, a slew of slurs reserved only for me....from you, a lover I once knew. I know you sensed my immediate hesitation, my audible reluctance once you revealed your plan of action. Because ultimately, all I craved was silence, peace, serenity and unfamiliare concepts to us as of late.

It amazes me to know that you are smiling with her, flirting effortlessly and giggling with ease. "Amazed" isn't accurate...."sickens" me to vizualize thee. Yet here I am because oddly enough I feel safe here. It is the safest of streets in my presence. and I detest venting that. As i know you will shake your head in disbelief; that once were smitten by such a poor, sad soul. 

I too marred at my disgusting rapid decline. I loathe the notion of you watching my gross defeated self stare back at you with tears rolling down my miserable face, such as now and last night and this morning and tomorrow I'm gone. 

I hate for you to see such despare. It sickens me. It surrounds me with self disgust, it drowns me in self pity, envelopes me tightly, painfuly, relentlessly. Punishing me for my weakness, pummeling me the knowledge that I am the fool; slicing my once sweet insides with a sharp, stabbing gusto. The ill-fated, ever feared word "FOOL" is branded onto my entire spirit.

You maintain your stance that my presence alone is insufficiant. It is nauseating knowing that I allowed you to do this, crack me, crumble me, break me. It is abundately clear to all that I've given myself wholly to you. Well, all except you. But I did do the best of my ability I remained as pleasant as possible given the fucked up circumstances. 

But I must refute because my presence represents my pride- or lack there-of. My presence is my peace offering- I offered you my precious pride-knowing self-loathing would invitably follow. For without pride, what are we?

Quivering mounds of weakend filthy flesh. Did you not know that with each moment of pardon, with every harsh gesure, with every violent streak, in self-disrespect would grow slowly turning me into nothingness.

 Growing into nothingness that went much worse than anticipated. As you parked, looked over and began to walk on, I bravely condidered telling you.... go. go. go. GO!

Than is dawned on me (how appropriate) FUCK THIS. I've been here for what seems to be days. I ate once yesterday- it was light out, 1/2 of a sandwich. I don't know when I brushed my teeth last- but the grainy grout-like film over my once pristine teeth tells me-months and months and months perhaps. 

A warm shower would be divine.

 Oooh I look down on myself for imaginging an outcome than the one we quickly provided. I see my sad, pitiful, depracating self and shake my head bewildered and baffled that I hoped something positive would arise from our infiinite mound of hatred. 

Endless warm gorgeousness cascading down my disgusting body=would be so delicious. But alas, tis not the case. Because you turned your back and walked ahead carelessly as I feared. Or perhaps you smugly assumed I'd follow, with my head bowed down foolishly, covering my ever shrinking pile of pride... again. no no no no. Don't you tell me you've been riding alone all night aimlessly, seeking solace somehwere unkown, when you have a glorious something who is safetly in indoor solitude, the ever fantastic something we once foolishly called home. I don't know why I stupidly excpected you to be here, a mere hour after you returned from her. I can imagine now the great disappointment you must have felt as you were forced to acknowledge meafter  almost succeeding and evading me. This is why it was seconds before you turned back quickly, crossing your fingers, hoping I'd depast easily so you could go to her, run to her, be summomed by the gross sluttness your inexplicably can not resist. FILTHY, DIRTY DOG!

more notes to come!

xoxo,

Beautyqueen

Show Him Your ‘O’ Face

5 secrets to achieving a better orgasm

The big “O.” That ever-elusive, could-be legendary experience that everyone strives for when they’re rolling around in the sheets (or on the countertop — we don’t judge) with their honeys. Sadly, much like seeing an actual unicorn or Ryan Gosling in person, a woman achieving a climax in bed is a rare thing. Turns out, only about 25% of us ladies are able to peak every time we’re with our partners, compared to over 90% of our male counterparts.

But don’t lose hope! There are things you can do to actually improve your chances of reaching that big “O” (and making it the best you’ve ever had). We’ve got five climax secrets that’ll have you (and your partner) begging each other for more. And, let’s be real — it’s not like trying this stuff out is going to be a totalbummer.

Change your position
When you’re on top of your partner, you have more control over how everything is moving down below, which means that when you get close, you won’t have to worry about your man changing gears (and causing you to lose your momentum). Not only that, but the position acts as both a vaginal and clitoral stimulator, so that big moment of ecstasy will be felt on more than one level. Um, yes please!

Don’t be shy
If your partner isn’t exactly hitting the mark (hey, we’ve all been there — jackhammering isn’t fun for anyone), speak up. Men want direction in the sack (and if he doesn’t, he isn’t worth it). And believe it or not, he can’t actually read your mind, so if you never tell him what feels good and what doesn’t, he’ll never know to do anything different for you. And remember the words “for you” — two great words to “O” by.

Relax
Stress can have a major effect on your ability to have a good “O,” so make sure you’re in a good head space before getting it on with your partner. As silly as it sounds, try taking a relaxing bubble bath together — not only will it calm your nerves, but it’s also a great place to practice foreplay, and we all know that a little pre-action can go a long way. And there’s several things you can do with a rubber ducky.

Get some exercise
Since an orgasm is, quite simply, the release of genital muscle tension, it makes sense that exercising those muscles helps get you more bang for your buck. And since we exercise the rest of our body, why not work out our pleasure center, too? Try doing a few kegels — clenching and releasing the muscles in your pelvic floor — a day. Not sure how to do it? Work on stopping yourself from peeing the next time you’re midstream.

Practice makes perfect
It’s like the saying goes, “If at first you don’t succeed…” (we’ll let you fill in the rest). One of the best parts about mastering the art of the orgasm is that working toward it never actually feels like work, for you or your partner. So practice away, ladies — your body will thank you for it! And so will your partner.